im_a_fake89's Journal

For every kid that gets it

I know most of you won’t get it. I know some of you will say you get it but don’t. Just listen and don’t judge me. I don’t care if its “so high school” like one of my friends told me. Music is what I live for. I don’t care if I can’t play a fucking instrument so save my life. I would give my self and every penny I have to this “scene.”

I’m poor. I have two dollars in cash and 8 in my bank account. A really responsible friend thinks I should stop going to shows and save my money. Fuck it. I won’t live for ever. I won’t take that money to hell when I die. I will only have the memories of standing in the crowd, tearing up when my favorite bands play the songs that lets me know that I’m not alone.

I am the kid that gets the shit kicked out of in the pit.

I am kid that is constantly getting kicked in the head by crowd surfers but is too stubborn to move.

I am kid that is more concerned with seeing my favorite band play instead of paying tuition.

I am the kid that claps for the opening shitty bands.

I am the kid that doesn’t laugh when a local bands shitty drum set falls apart in the middle of a show.

I am the kid that spends every cent on merch because I know that that’s how bands make their money.

I am the kid that continues to call home and ask for permission to bring a band home, that has no place to sleep, even thought I know that the answer will be no.

I am the kid that lives, eats, sleeps, and dreams about music every day no matter how old I get.

My heroes are not dudes that run around in spandex with red capes saving the world. They are the underdogs that didn’t fit in. They are the ones with the shitty clothes, greasy hair, and no money in their pockets.

I was in the 8^th grade when I first listened to The Used. It’s been six years that I have loved The Used. Every time I felt sad and lonely they were there for me. All I had to do was put on their CD and everything would be better. I saw the band as one of the only constants in my life. They were people that would always be there for me trough their music. I can honestly say that listening to them has kept me sane. I love many other bands but none like The Used. They are my favorite band in the entire universe.

I’ve been meaning to write this for some time but every time I start I begin to cry. Nothing seems right. My sister told me not to worry about how it sounds and just to write how I feel and I would be understood. Here goes nothing.

Last Wednesday my friends, sister, and I drove two hours to Richmond to see The Used. It was my third time seeing the band but I felt like it was my first. I believe in supporting a band and buying the CD’s. When I found out that The Used was going to be selling their EP Shallow Believer at the show I dint down load it. That day I found out that of I bought the EP at the show I could get meet and greets with the band. I was hella excited. I had met Quinn, Jeph, and the bands former drummer Branden, but I hadn’t met Bert or the new drummer Dan. Some people think of it as paying $10 to see the band but I see it as a free incentive for buying the EP. The show was amazing. I think it was one of the best performances I’ve seen in my life and trust me I’ve seen a lot. I got the shit kicked out of me in the pit, I got into a fight with some dude and yelled at a billion little bitches that were complaining because they were getting pushed. It’s the fucking pit if you can’t take it get the fuck out! The Used brought up a few kids to the stage to sing with them. Bert brought up a little girl that was about 10. She looked so happy standing next to him. All I could think is how much I loved the band and how they were a bunch of regular guys. They played my favorite song of all time “The Taste of Ink.” I wanted to cry. All I could think of is how I only felt at home when I was at a concert and how it was the only place I ever wanted to be.

When the show ended I bought some merch and stood in line to meet the band. There were two girls in front of us. They were really cute. Their hair and make p was perfect. I on the other hand looked like shit. My eyeliner was smeared I was sweaty and my hair was a hot mess. We finally got to meet the band only to be completely ignored.

Dan: Bert wants you to suck his dick

Girls: hehehe

Bert: stand over there

Jeph: our merch guy is really hot go talk to him

My friend asked for a hug and they half assed it except for Bert because he rolled his eyes and walked away.

I walked behind the pretty girls and didn’t even wait for Dan to sign my poster. I began to cry. I wasn’t jealous because I wasn’t pretty like them or I hadn’t been asked to suck Bert’s dick I was angry because they completely ignored me. They were my heroes. They disrespected women and they treated every one like crap. All I could think of is My Chem would never do this. My Chem always tells women to respect themselves and if any shitty band guy asks us to show our breasts to spit in their face and tell them to fuck off. I saw my heroes dissolve before my eyes. I’ve met a lot of jerky bands in my life but I never expected it form my favorite. I sat on the curb for and cried. I didn’t give a shit who saw me because my heart had been crushed. I hated them so much.

I know they have been a band for a long time and they deal with people every day but they chose this life style. We didn’t make them. They are the ones that say that they aren’t in this for the money and they’re in this for the kids. Bull shit. I’ve never been let down this bad in my life. Branden would have never done this. He would have never said those things. I met him once. That day he bumped his shoulder in to my eye and he hugged me and rubbed it and was genuinely sorry. I know he doesn’t remember but I do and I will never forget. Quinn was the only one that was decent. He saw me crying and agreed to take one last picture. I will always respect him for that.

I know I will never make a difference in their lives like they have impacted mine. I will never forget that band or the feeling of loneliness that came with their disrespect. I feel kind of sorry for those girls. I hope some day they will respect themselves. I hope that My Chem never lets me down. I hope one day I can love a band that deserves it as much as I loved The Used. Maybe one day when they are old and no one remembers their name they will look back on the days when they toured and remember all of the faces they let down and feel half as bad as I felt that day.

Current Mood: crushed